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Perhaps “Who’s in Charge?” seems like a silly question.
Who’s in
charge of what?
Who’s in charge of whom?
I believe, however, it is a
critical question for today. We have a society where many, if not
most people do not accept responsibility for their own lives. I am
not just speaking of those who want to blame their parents or
society because they turned to a life of crime. I am referring to
those who blame everyone and everything for the way they feel and
behave in everyday life. A good example of this is how we look at
the issue of stress.
Today everybody, it seems, is stressed out. Just listen and you will
hear discussions on how stress affects people as they try to move
through their lives. People complain about stress, joke about it,
use it as an excuse for their mistakes, and most of all, they worry
about what it is doing to them, both physically and emotionally.
Because of this “scourge of stress mentality,” an entire subculture
of seminars, workshops, infomercials, books and articles has arisen
on how to manage your stress
I believe that most of these books and seminars on stress not only
miss the point, they actually promote and reinforce a way of
thinking that says, “The power in life - the ‘who’s in charge’ -
resides in the events of life and not the people. The best we can
hope to do, according to them, is manage our stress.
I have learned from years of working with people fighting
life-threatening diseases and from others who have lost loved ones,
that the joy in living does not come from managing our stress or
misery. It comes from a rekindling of our spirit – rediscovering a
passion for living, loving, and working. More importantly, I have
learned that only those who realize that they, and not the events in
their lives, have the power can actually take charge of themselves,
and, therefore, rekindle their spirits. It doesn’t matter whether
they define the source of that power in religious or psychological
or emotional terms. They have to see that the power is in them.
What I have learned from so many people, in extremely difficult
situations, is that a revolution in the way we think is necessary
to change the way we behave.
I don’t believe our lives are problems that need to be solved, even
if we are unhappy with them.
We need less problem solving and a more
creative way of looking at life.
We need to focus less on specific
situations and more on the big picture. Strangely, perhaps, this
big-picture focus will help us with our specific situations.
Most
importantly, I believe we must look at what we are bringing to life,
and not just what life is offering us. We must examine what our
beliefs are and how they translate into our daily lives.
Finally - We must be willing to work.
Many people who come to seminars or read the books on managing
stress or being successful want the fast fix. Fast fixes won’t work.
Revolution of any kind doesn’t come easy. We cannot rely on the
“Five ways to happiness” list.
Understand me.
This book is not about never feeling pain at all.
It is about not creating pain as an ongoing life style.
It is about having a belief system in place that enriches our lives.
It is about using strategies that help us move through those events
in our lives that we experience as tragic or painful.
It is about seeing the beauty and strength that is around us in so
many ways.
We need to know what we can change and what we can’t change.
Then we have to have the courage to take action. This self
-awareness takes work and, sometimes, can be very frightening. No
fast answers here!
We must challenge everything we believe – not necessarily change it
– but challenge it. Anything worth believing is worth challenging.
If after the challenge we say, “This belief still works for me,” it
is a belief built of substance and not a blind following. If the
belief appears weak or flawed, perhaps the time is right to replace
it. If we just change our behaviors and not our thinking processes
and beliefs, the new behaviors probably will not last.
As Socrates said, “The life unexamined is not worth living.”
Unfortunately many of us do not examine life in the way he meant.
We just bitch about it.
Continue to Chapter 1: STRESS
- The Great Excuse!
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